About a month ago I started REALLY potty training Mayah. Around her second birthday in February, she asked for a potty of her very own. We were stoked because she started to show interest and I got on this smug mom kick "my kid's going to potty train with ease!" as if the second I unboxed the thing she would have it down pat. Well, let say it hasn't exactly been the case. Actually, that hasn't been the case at all.
I know she catches on quick to a lot of things and so naturally, I assumed potty training would be a breeze. I did put it off for about six months for my own sanity, with having a newborn and an apartment full of carpet I wasn't exactly chomping at the bit to let her run free and bare bottomed with the three-day-no-undies approach. So once Aria was a little older, able to sit on her own if I needed to dash Mayah to her potty and we were moved into our new place which has zero carpet down stairs I knew it was time to start. Occasionally after her bath I would sit her down if she obliged. Sometimes she would tinkle and other times refused to even sit. This was our potty relationship pre-actual training. I would ask, she would sit. Sometimes she would go, sometimes she wouldn't. If she didn't want to sit or try I didn't push it.
Enter, actual potty training. I researched for months every method under the sun. The three day method. The one day method. The no-undies-while-potty-training method. The undies only method. The pull ups method. The hand signaling method. Stay with her. Dont stay with her. Keep it in the living room. Keep it in the bathroom. Stay outside and let her run naked with the potty outside (Texas heat says thats a no-go). Reward with M&M's. Sticker chart. Verbal affirmation. Timed sit downs. Every 15 minutes. Every 10. Let her tell me when she has to. Have me tell her when to go. GOOD GRIEF. Where the HECK do I begin. To say I was overwhelmed was an understatement. I was having anxiety just THINKING about it all and don't even get me STARTED on how to approach it through night time sleeps. ::as I rock back and forth in the fetal position::
I decided to try this approach:
1) no undies for the first week
2) setting a timer for every 15 minutes
3) sticker chart reward system and a special new toy when the chart is filled up.
4) one sticker for pee's, and two for poops
5)after the first week, undies only at home and after one week we will venture out and pray to our sweet Lord she has not accidents (but if she does we have extra bottoms and undies in tow and lots of patience
Oh…and of course by week one she will be potty trained. Of course.
Day 1 was about 12 successful pee's, zero poops, 2 accidents and half of her pee's were all on her own. She would yell and say she had to pee and go sit down to do her duty. Day 2, a good amount of successes but only 2 of them were on her own with double the accidents. By day 3, more accidents, didn't go on her own at all, still hadn't pooped. Day 4-7 consisted of accidents, successes at my reminding to go and she wouldn't ask to go on her own anymore even when my prompting's shifted from "okay, lets go potty!" to "tell mommy when you feel like you have to go!" or "do you need to go potty?"
Day 5 we had an outing for a couple hours with a half hour drive there and back and she had zero accidents, held her pee and went on location (at muck-a-cheese that is..a.k.a chuck-e-cheese). I thought we were doing the uphill climb to consistency and every week after that she started to lose interest. She would have pee accidents in her undies whether out or at home no matter if I had just sat her down, asked her if she needed to go or if she had told me and just sat (which was more rare than ever). She had no problem pee'ing in her undies or pull-ups (which we used at night and started to use at outings because she had so many accidents) She would cry and say how yucky it felt when she pooped but pee's were no issue. If she had an accident it didn't phase her until I pointed out she had gone and not on the potty.
I had moments of very real frustration. WHY was Day 1 of all days a success and two and three weeks later she had near completely regressed? By week 4 she would cry out that her tummy hurt (meant she had to poo) and we put her on and she would go. So poops are starting to become potty only but pee's are no biggie for her to just go in her undies or pull ups (sounds backwards right?).
It is the tail end of week 4 and I guess I have realized, and at the encouragement of some friends that she might not be ready. She isn't grasping it, has no issue with pee accidents but its good she's starting to poop only in her potty (at night a couple times she has even woken from sleep crying to go poo) those were fun!
On some levels, she's ready. On the grander scale, it's not sticking. On some levels, I have the patience, on others, I find myself getting pretty upset when she has an accident. A few times, I am ashamed to say, I lost my cool and pretty much scolded her for having an accident and it was usually when we were out and about and I had things to do. Doesn't she understand I have a lot to get done and not a lot of time to do it all in? Potty training became an inconvenience. Her accidents were baffling. I became short tempered. Accidents were no big deal for her, and she would start crying the second I pointed out she had an accident, even if it was in love. It was all too much. Even with consistency.
We needed a break. She needed more time. I needed to check myself. Enter snuggles, patience, a potty training hiatus.
We also had some pretty big adjustments come in during her second week of potty training, my sister and her husband (and two boys age 3 and 1) moved in with us and the new changes probably threw her off as well.
The plan now is:
1) If she asks to go, she goes.
2) We ask if she wants to go from time to time, if she goes: cool. if she refuses: try again.
3) Pull ups are our friend, not foe
4) We'll try again later. When she seems like she is ready to tackle it and the dust settles from all the new changes.
Here is what I have learned:
1) Research/advice/plans are good and necessary--but YOU know your kid. Mayah is strong willed, not so good with change (she needs time to adjust and soak it all in) and she can be stubborn. But she is also quick to catch on, excited when she accomplishes a task and once she has mastered something, it's on to the next. When potty training (after a month) didn't fit this normal pattern, I knew it was time to stop. A month on the grand scale isn't a long time but in potty training world I feel like it was enough to gauge where she's at and where she's not.
2) "Patience required" is an understatement. IT TOOK OVER MY LIFE for the first week. Promptings to pee every 15 minutes of our waking hours for a week….and not going anywhere………cabin fever….send help….S.O.S--it was all consuming and I wish someone would've told me: make freezer meals, alert the husband of days he will either need to order in or fend for himself, alert all friends you will be antisocial and make sure all casual, quick change clothes are washed because you will get pee on you at some point. You are welcome. Oh..and coffee, stock up on that goodness. Also, you know the reward chart or goodies your little one gets? Get you some of those too, mommy edition. You deserve it too.
3) I learned there is no extent to how ridiculous I will make myself look and/or sound in order to fully convey how PROUD I am of this little mama. When she had successes I cheered, I danced, I jiggled and shouted. Because when your "baby" makes one more inch toward "kid" you basically feel all the feels imaginable. Yup. First successful on-her-own-pee I was sobbing near her potty. I know, I know…get it together mom.
4) It is not a one size fits all game. I tried nearly three different approaches and changed them up and modified stuff when I felt I needed to and in the end had to wash my hands and say "I think we are done for now". And that's okay. We are less stressed, rigid about the potty in the face of no progress. Maybe I should just keep pushing through no matter what and I'm sure a lot of mama's will suggest a month isn't long to gauge and she's just being stubborn. But you know what? This is what is working for us right now. I don't want to scold after accidents or become frustrated because to ME it doesn't make sense that she isn't catching on. That's just what it is. Whether you master it in 3 days, a month, closer to 1 year and a half, 2 or 3: you do you. And that can be said for just about anything in parenting. Nothing is ever a "one size fits all" when it comes to how you raise your children.
We'll revisit this whole thing after the holidays if she hasn't started to pick it up on her own before then. I am in no rush. Would it be nice to not have to buy diapers and pull ups? Yes. But other than that, I'm sitting back and saying: it's okay. She will get there. I love her just the same…
p.s
She absolutely LOVED the "Potty Time" App. It had a sticker chart, games to play while waiting to go (or as a reward) and she got to "call her friend" It does a phone call for a success or accident and "Rachel" would give a loving, positive affirmation for either. Also, the "Time to Potty" Pull-ups app had a great little timer you could set and the little jingle sets off when it's time. Before long she would hear the alarm jingle and knew it was time to try and go. BONUS--they are free apps!
