Within the last few weeks I have been able to feel our precious baby girl move more and more...

I skipped those ever-so-delicate "flutters". The first time I felt her it was an obvious yet gentle (but unmistakable) thump...as if to say, "Hey mom! I'm in here!"...granted...sometimes her using my cervix or bladder as a punching bag is not so adorable...but every.single.movement is a sweet and evey humbling reminder that we are pregnant with this amazing little miracle....it's a sweet reminder of God's grace in our life. I've heard "grace" described as having something which one does not deserve...unmerited or special favor...

I can tell you this much...having been on the road we have to get to this point- it would be easy to say, "You know what? We deserve this. We have tried for a while. We were so close twice before. I am owed this." But let me tell you.....understanding how fleeting and altogether fragile life is; and understanding who God is and how His heart beats for us..it just is impossible to seem entitled. I am learning to accept God's grace in my life...It is easy to get haughty and entitled when we have been through tough times and then BAM-finally, we get our break....

Yes, that would be easy for me to say or think....but I just can't. God has blessed us with this amazing, perfect, unexpected and unexplainably humbling miracle baby named Mayah...and what better way to pay homage to that which we do not deserve...that which is exceptional and good...God's grace in our life and His grace that display's itself at this moment as the baby girl thriving within me...

... Mayah Grace Avila ...

 

 

She will be Mayah Grace...that middle name we couldn't decide on for while just began to register with our spirit...She is already such an example of God's grace in our life..his favor and mercy...

 

I know I do not deserve her...I am a sinner and act foolish just like everyone else. And I don't know everything about her yet...I don'tknow much at all really. But I know she will be a fiercely passionate & loving force to be reckoned with...and for the rest of my life..I will live every day in an attempt to show God just how grateful we are for Miss Mayah...even now, most days-I am overwhelmed by just how real and present all of this really is...I really cannot describe how amazing this is...how grateful we are...Thank you Jesus..

 

...We are so in love...I can't wait to see her beautiful face....

 

 

"Out of His fullness we have received grace..." John 1:16

...

Glorious-Bryan & Katie Torwalt

 

 

 

 



 

 

 

week 16

 

...no cravings still..

...yes still loving the ice water...

...baby is now the size of an avocado or about 4 inches long!...

...I cannot stand the smell of popcorn-can't do it. nope...

{i just heard thunder outside..lost my train of thought..i hate thunder!}

...anyway...

...nope...lost it....

 

 

 

 

These last couple of weeks I have really been allowing myself to feel pregnant in every sense, including mentally and emotionally. I think with the previous losses last year and just the anxiousness and worry that comes along with a normal pregnancy alone-it all held me back a little bit. I will say though that I was never fearful this time around-not really...no...

 

While losing two pregnancies and ultimately two babies months a part in one year was enough to make me think its time to "take a break" and more than enough to truly terrify me of another pregnancy. But once I realized I was pregnant this year in June.....I wasn't afraid. I think going through those losses helped me to realize just how sovereign God is and how much things are just not in my hands. Now-I'm not going to say "God allows this or that" or "he lets this or that happen yadda yadda"-I am not God, how would I know? But I do know that no matter what ends up happening-God is above it all, he is in control. He knows my heart and desires and he loves me deeply. He has Chris and I in the palm of his hands and while the losses were the worst times in my life-they didn't last for forever. I miss by babies and wonder what could have been sometimes-but I know that if they aren't with me-the fact that they are in Jesus' arms comfort me none the less. And really-we made it out okay and our faith was stronger after each experience...somehow this time around too I knew *if*....IF......if sometheing were to happen, yes my heart would hurt but eventually we would be alright. I begged God to let us have this baby..I pleaded with him...I cried out to him with each little cramp I had...I wasn't expecting to lose this one like I thought I would-I just really really wanted to have a long and healthy pregnancy. I wanted to bring a baby home. I wanted that empty guest room to finally be a nursery. I wanted to hold my child. So while I had no fear and I knew God had already given me this miracle; I decided I would enjoy this for however long it lasts. I would tell myself, "today you are pregnant, and today you love your baby."  I was. And I did.

 

I know for some people this all may sound dramatic or even a little jaded or hint of cynicism-but being pregnant after losses is not a cake walk people. However-and this is a BIG however-my relationship with Christ has never been more important to me and I know God has pulled me through and above the fear, worry & anxiety that would have probably clouded my pregnancy (normally). He had mercy on my nerves and showed grace to my heart...and so I chose to finally recieve it and celebrate this baby and this pregnacy.

 

So I am sorry if I post too many "bump" pictures or if your news feed is clogged with "baby" this or "craving" that--this is just a true and evident miracle in my life and I want to shout it to the world! To God be the Glory and thank you to my husband for being an amazing partner in this journey already...

 

I know me getting sick, not being able to eat much, losing weight, hating the smell of his beloved late night snack (popcorn) and the irritability (alredady) hasn't been easy on me or Chris--but he's been pretty darn great thus far and I love you babe...  Do I sometimes just want to punch you "accidentally" as you slumber away perfectly while I lay awake at night with heartburn & acid reflux tossing and turning? Suuuurrre.....sometimes. BUT-I don't. Because I love you. Because I am grateful for you. And because you probably wouldn't wake up anyway...

 

Anyway..

 

So here is to 16 weeks so far of a healthy pregnancy! Baby is doing great and soon enough we will know whether this little bambino is a boy or girl!!

 

 

14.

...not so nauseated..but I have my moments...
...ice water is my relief...

..now constantly sleeping with my amazing pregnancy pillow (katie coleman you are an angel!)...

...no cravings what so ever...I still have food aversions :(...

...my stomach has "popped" and I just shook my head in awe today, my belly is starting to form-

  so grateful to God...

...baby is the size of a lemon!...
...must have snaks on hand at all times, empty stomach=noooo good...

...God bless whoever invented full panel maternity pants!...

I know I sort of have a "smile-but-deer-in-the-headlights" look going on here...it was a long past couple of days..I was so tired!! :)

Caught off guard. Taken by surprise. Shocked.

These are all the things I felt when I discovered I was infact pregnant in early June...I usually like to make a long story longer :) But for privacy's sake I will make this one short....

After going through two losses last year, Chris and I decided to take a break from trying for another baby..for personal reasons we felt this was just the right decision. As bittersweet as it was to make that decision. To be so close to becoming parents and then it all going away...it was not the easiest-but we committed our plans to God. I surrendered...struggled a little..and then God took over. We had peace and knew the Lord was with us..

In the meantime I met with doctors, got a new eating plan (paleo diet), was put on certain suppliments and taken off certain other medications..my body was being encouraged to correct itself with the help of these things. I cannot begin to describe the transformation my body had made it was awesome...to go from 6 migraines a month to none was immeasurable and other things that started to fall in line which also affected fertility-the proof was in the pudding-or rather in the paleo :)

Now more than ever, I truly believe that God know's my own heart even better than I do. He see's those deep desires and my strong will and softens my spirit. He know's me like no other. His blessings and rebukes speak to exactly what I need. So on that afternoon of July 7th when I realized Chris and I were expecting-expecting a baby...pregnant......I was shocked. At this point we had not been trying for a baby but trying to naturally keep our plan a float...but it seemed God had other plans.

After early doctors appointments, first trimester screenings and ultrasounds...nervous moments and months of being really, really sick, hearing our baby's heartbeat and waiting a little... it's now time to share the wonderful news! Our little family is growing as we take in each breath. With ever beat my heart takes, my child is alive and well and I am so humbled and grateful. My heart is so happy

 A friend of ours told us, "God searched the whole world and knew that you were the perfect couple to raise this child for such a time as this." and you know what...more and more I believe that very statement. God is so faithful. He has such perfect plans and timing even beyond what we can comprehend. So....I'm just going to receive it! We are blessed beyond words...elated and excited. Thank you to those of you who have been praying for us for so long and continue to keep us lifted...we know prayer works and we feel them!! We love you all....and we are so, so grateful..Blessings!

Can't wait to meet our little love bug!

xo

Kris

Capturing certain or any life moments for that matter is something I love to do...I consider it more of a hobby right now than a profession just because well...I am still learning about photography.

I've been told I have an "eye" for it and I love to do it so...I have officially started dabbling in it..

For the latest sessions/postings or info please visit: my photography blog

many thanks and well wishes!

xo
Kris