Here are some of my favorite insiprational printables/quotes I found online (pkay, okay....on Pinterest really..lol) Just for you!! Enjoy!

I just *love* this picture...I want to hang it in my home :) So pure!

Yes!

This is my desktop on my computer at work! (tiled) :)

I want this blow up and hung in my home!

I remind myself of this all time time...xo

Amen!!

HOLLA!

Aren't these great?! Of course, nothing substitutes for what scripture can bring...I just like these too!!

xo

Kris

It's about 87 degree's out and summer is coming to an official (calendar) end this week...

It doesn't feel like fall is around the bend but I know that in no time, it will be October..and I'm relieved. I've said it before, I feel like I am ready for fall. I love each season in its own way, and fall for me this year just feels like it is the end to a crazy year...

Now, perhaps this thinking is somewhat carnal in that God is the one to bring the true [spritual] 'seasons' in our lives...however, with the actual changing of the seasons, I think my mind will recognize it all the more. Because in that, I can physically see the transition in the leaves and sky. I will begin to feel the crispness in the air and sniff out the smokey scent that fall fireplaces bring. Soon the tree's will be bare and the moist grass strewn with the rainbow of Autumn. And I will look to the cloudy, amber sunsets and think of the year that has come and gone so quickly. In that moment of bittersweet rememberance of the events that unfolded this year...I can still thank God for everything..He still deserves all my praise and thanks..

Because no matter where I was physically and where my heart broke at times, God was always there to love me, to hold me, to sharpen me and mold me. I never in my wildest imagination would have ever thought this year (or any other for that matter) would have gone the way it did. Are there things I would have changed? In my simple mind, yes. Am I going to sit here and tell God he slipped up on this one, never.

You see the thing about this whole "God" thing is that although life doesn't become easier, it does become doable and you find joy, peace on confidence in ways you would never have without Christ in your life. Just because I pray a prayer doesn't mean I get that "get-out-of-jail-free" card. But let me tell you something, and I want you to listen with your heart...having Christ in my life, was the best decision I have ever, EVER, ever made...life may not get easier, but the strength through Christ that you gain allows you & affords you the opportunity to not just 'get through' things. Rather what you gain in Christ, it all carries you above the storms. And the peace in it all is...beyond anything I can describe. It boils down to this: when you try to do it right, with God, by God..He honors that. I know, that everything I have been through so far in my 24 years of life has made me the person I am today. God is not finished with me yet, so please; have patience with me. Give me a little grace because I am not perfect. But, God is. His ways are far above ours...He is in every circumstance and only wants the best for us. So in knowing that...I know, everything is alright. Not "it will be" alright..it already is. Because God said so. Remain close to Him. Reman in in Him, and you can do all things.

It's ironic how thinking of leaves falling, certain tree's not bearing much fruit and all that fall does to the cycle of plant life...how in all of this, I can't help but meditate on John 15:5, "Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing" In this time...I ask God with all my heart that He remain in me as I yearn to remain in Him. Jesus let me produce the good fruit you would have me to...

I want to be used, blessed and molded. Like the changing of the leaves I pray that God stirs and creates a change in me mentally and emotionally. I know He is able. I know He is true to His Word. I know He is just and faithful to His children.

I'm excited for this new season in my life and will be content and happy with where I am at so far. I kept saying, "I'll still find joy and peace 'in the mean time' "...well, this isn't "the mean time" this is IT. This is THE time. Get your act together because this is NOT a dress rehearsal, you only get one shot at life. Every season has its cue's and purpose...I encourage you to take a step back and really observe where you are, what you have come from, see where you need to make changes and ask God to do some heart surgery...fix the brokennessor pain so that you can continue to serve Him..or maybe just begin to. He has equipped you to handle it all, you just have to read the manual ;)

So, I look ahead...I remain in Christ and I work at it all. Getting right. Feeling whole. Finding joy & being used. Because God isn't finished with me yet. I can feel Him working in me...turning over a new leaf...so grateful Lord...

I'm content with the way things are. I want to be pregnant again. I'm nervous to get pregnant again. I wish I was pregnant as we speak, big bump and all. On and on it goes in my mind. For the most part lately I have been pretty content.


I know God is working on me still...but man...some days are just heavier than others mentally and emotionally. I was walking through the grocery store Saturday..browsing each aisle to make sure I didn't miss anything and along the way I pass three different pregnant women, 2 couples with babies and one of the little ones...oh he was just beautiful. And there somewhere between trying to decide between Hefty or Ziplock  sandwich bags I caved...just caved.

I lost it. Right there. Just cried my eyes out for a minute or two. And I think God afforded me that moment because maybe He saw my heart, still sensitive to the blairing reminders that I am no longer pregnant. He afforded me that moment alone to let it out, right there in FoodMaxx..the store was packed with busy shoppers on that Saturday..but for those few minutes, He let me be alone. No one came down the aisle, not even to pass by rather than walk through. Its those little moments of grace that I feel God in my life even more these days...

Right now, as I type, Chris is on his iPad on the other couch here in our livingroom youtubing The Godkinz cover The Jonas Brothers' song "a little bit longer". And again, the tears start. It's sort of voicing what I have been feeling, "a little bit longer, and I'll be fine" So I know, I will be fine. I have been fine for the most part. I know, I know...that "technically" isn't a state of anything being "fine". You can say that you are "fine" but really......fine?

Honestly, I am finding contentment and happiness in where God has me. Has us. His plan is perfect. He see's things we cannot. He is God. And having faith in God, also means having faith and trust in His timing. I can't not trust Him. My world would fall a part with out Jesus at the center...completely. Because I have fallen a part, but in my weakness He has been made so strong. I know some people think/say that, "you will never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have." And while this may be true...very true. I have to add...in my weakness, was when I realized just how strong God is...and in that, He gave me strength I could not have on my own. I mean every bit of that. So, sometimes..my desire for what I once had versus my desire to be happy in where I currently am are often one in the same. But I do realize what a blessing it is to still have this life I have. To have my husband and my health. To have had what time we did have with our first pregnancy & baby and the memories and ministering thate has come since all of this..so...my heart is trying to play catch up, I know...

Even though I cannot control my surroundings or other peoples lives. I mean hello, other people in the world WILL get pregnant, will have those announcements, will have babies etc, it can't change my heart or faith or mentality. I am human, I have feelings. I am a woman. I feel those feelings maybe a little too long or too hard...sue me. :)  I guess I just wanted to share all this just to say: it's okay to be human and have feelings and give yourself time to go through the process of healing and recovering from a loss (of any kind). But there does come a time where we allow God to extend His grace-and then times where we buck up, take our thoughts captive and press on.

I just thank God everyday that He loves me like He does, because He is so good to me. He gives me strength I need. He gives me grace when I need it. He just knows me so well.....

I ended up drying my eyes....getting the Ziplock lunch bags, praised the gorgeous little baby boy and his big brown eyes, and walked out of there...just as whole as I walked in :)

xoxo

(the song I mentioned in my blog. beautifully covered in this "raw session")

It's been 23 days since we lost our first baby, 17 since we found out we lost her and 14 since we dedicated our angel baby to Christ and said our goodbyes...I sat here counting the days just now and I can't believe it..it hasn't even been that long and in some aspects it feels like its been an eternity...

While I wish so badly that I could've seen her beautiful little face and kiss her tiny hands...held her and felt her breath on my chest as we fell asleep together..snapped pictures of her and Chris cuddling in the Saturday morning sunlight..watch him pray over her each night as he did when she was in my tummy...while I wish with everything in me that we could have had all of that...I know, my precious Isabel is alive and well in heaven and in our hearts...and God is using her life still.

It almost feels crazy to me that in what little time we had with our baby...and the short time its been since she went to heaven...how much God has moved in all of this. While it is such a horrible thing, for a mom and dad to lose their baby, I think, for me at least..the real tragedy would have been all of this happening...us going through the loss, and that be it.

The real tragedy would be going through the loss and it going no further than that. For it all to just be literally "lost". I thank God everyday that even in her short life, Isabel had a purpose and in heaven, she is doing The Lord's work..how beautiful to know that! I thank God that in our pain and weakness He is made so, so strong and He rests with us. He moves in us still even through our brokenness..I look back at the posts I wrote right when everything was going on and its like I tell myself, "what...?" Without Jesus in my life there is NO way I could have done any of that...but God pushed me to use my ability to write..and I did. It felt good. I just prayed that it wouldnt only be an outlet for me...but a tool God would use to minister to others..to encourage others; especially women who have lost a baby..

I am just in awe of how God works..how His purpose for our baby is still being lived out and always will be..How God does what He says He will do...

^"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."-Romans 8:26-28 (The Message)

Like Chris has told me before, "God already has it all worked out". He does. His word is true. His heart is good and whatever we offer to Him..He will use it. I just love that. My heart sometimes can only hang on this verse because I am weak. But God is so merciful and gives grace and comfort to His children in their time of need...To know that He keeps me present before God Himself is so vital to every part of me because there were and still are times I am just too beyond myself to bring myself before God...but then the prayers of others help to usher me forward...the knowing that God is here keeps me there...and knowing that Jesus Christ keeps me present before God. He can never leave..He has been with us always..

So, even in our mess...God brings beauty in..and while our baby is in heaven and we are here to remember and always love her...we are also here to take care of Kingdom business and shine Christ..even in our darkest times..

So, to my precious Isa...look mamita..look what your little life has brought forth...see the fruit! I am so proud to be your mama... :) :

"I've been reading your blog, Kristina. It is truly amazing. Every post has made me cry -whether good tears, sad tears or hopeful tears- Your words touch my heart in such a way, I cannot expain. Your love for God, Chris and Isabel is extraordinary. You are a beautiful woman of God. You inspire me."Kayla, Facebook

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"How beautiful. what a wonderful way to honor your first child. May God continue to bless you and give you those much needed times of refreshing in this tough time. Your faith inspires me and honors Him... "poster from The Bump.com

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"I just wanted to say after reading your blog post that you guys are an incredible testimony and I know God is and will use this for His glory. My prayers are with you both."-poster from TheBump.com

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"I hope you do not mind but i have been reading your blog lately and i really enjoy reading it. You really inspire me to heal in this time of sadness and i wanted to thank you for sharing it..."-poster from, TheBump.com

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 "I read through your blog and I also have PCOS pretty bad myself. Your blog is very inspiring, and I have lost a lot of my faith in God since having 4 miscarriages. By reading through I have gotten through my 'hate' of God and my anger, and I wanted to thank you."-poster from TheBump.com

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"Your post moved me and I felt like I needed to contact you. I am so sorry for your loss and I thought it was so sweet that you dedicated your first baby to God. I share your faith in Jesus and know he is carrying and weeping with you and your husband."-poster from TheBump.com

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  "I just read your blog and the tears are flowing.. I'm so touched by your grace and faith. You are an amazing woman, wife and mother. I'd like to share that i had a missed miscarriage 6 months before concieving Carlitos. It was devastating to learn as you did of my baby's passing via ultrasound and you described so beautifully how i felt. But what you have also done is reaffirmed my faith that my baby--our babies--are with Jesus and waiting for us. As a new believer, I haven't really dealt with that miscarriage 3 and 1/2 years ago and now God has allowed me to embrace my baby and see that she/he is there--waiting for me. Thank you for letting me see this truth and please know that you are a light for people like me.. I love you and am praying for you, Chris and baby Avila..."-email from a friend on FB

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"I stumbled across your blog in your signature when I was looking for answers on this board yesterday. I was trying to read as much as I could to figure out what was going on with me. I think your blog is beautiful. You are honoring God and bringing glory to His name by the way you live your life."-poster from, TheBump.com

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I kept most of these anonymous obviously to guard and respect those who posted these words...but wow..Praise God...Thank you Jesus that you have turned this for your good...that our babies life still goes on...and that in the end...there is Glory brought to your name..and I just want the world to know...I really had nothing to do with any of this...my fingers did the typing..but all of this...was all God..and the fruit of Jesus in our lives..

Thank you God ....thank you that we can feel you in everything and that you never leave our lives. Even in the mystery of who you are...you show yourself to us so clear sometimes..we want to live in you God...search our hearts and bring healing and restoration..make us whole again..and while we will never forget the beautiful life of our baby(ies) in heaven or whatever struggle we may be in...we will allow ourselves to move ahead and stay in your plan...we invite you God, to start a work or continue the one you have started in each of us...Oh God...you are beyond anything we could comprehend or describe and sometimes our words do not do justice to who you really are...but we love you. Shine your light God...in the darkest parts of our life and allow us to see you working even in our pain...give us the strength to be used..we trust you God..we breathe you in...we love you. We declare it...in Jesus name...

The night before our 12 wk appointment, I had a dream that in the appointment they told us we were having a girl. When I woke up the next morning...I was a little perplexed. I knew it was just a dream and that at a 12 week appointment that is just too soon to learn the sex of the baby.Either way, it made me smile and I took it for what it was...a dream.

Flash forward to 2:00 pm that Tuesday afternoon and we find that we lost our baby and the chaos ensues. That night, I had no dream...I dont even remember sleeping, I was too nervous for the next morning...


That next morning, Wednesday, was the procedure and that night, I dreamt of a baby girl. She was an infant. She was all bundled up in pink onesie-long sleeve pajama's with the little feetsie bottoms, asleep and as peacful as ever. We were sitting in the bedroom and then I hand her off to Chris, he takes her into the living room where friends and family are, we all hang out...she wakes and I even nurse her (something I have obviously never done in real life). It was so surreal, so strange and so amazing all at the same time. But for some reason...I never caught a real glimpse of her little face. I remember gazing at her in my dream, just staring in awe at this baby girl..and yet when I woke..for the LIFE of me, I couldn't remember her face..but it was still an amazing dream. I didn't feel tortured by it, but rather somewhat comforted.

The next night, Thursday night...another dream. Only this time, she was a toddler. I'd say about 11 months or so. Running around all cute! In my dream, we were at this big event and Chris had just finished speaking and I was back stage with our daughter..she was dancing and running in circles, wearing jeans, gold ballet flats and a bright pink hoodie. She had short wavy/curly brown hair with a cute little flower clip holding her hair out of her face, just off to the side. Chris comes running down the corridor and swoops her up, you know-the way you do when you swing the child in the air and make them squeal with shear panic and joy! :)

He held her as we talked to other people backstage...she twirled her hair with her little fingers and giggled incessantly as daddy tickled her in between laughing with friends and conversing. But again, sadly I woke up and it was over. And again...I could not make out or remember her face. It was like that movie, Inception. Where his kids are there yet he cannot make out their faces but he knows his children. And she knew me...she knew my voice..she loved her daddy and just adored him...it was the best dream...and in that dream she had a name...

And her name, was Isabel.

We called her "Isa" for short sometimes, I remember that..but Isabel altogether.

Isabel.

When I was pregnant, Chris and I talked about names we liked and this one never really came up..In going through the loss, procedure and what was to follow, Chris had told me that in that time, he had prayed to  God, that He would help us with some identity for the baby we lost.. anything. But I had the dream about the doctor telling us we were having a girl before Chris prayed any of this...but after his prayers...in my dreams I had her for a while..and her name, her name was Isabel. I didn't tell Chris about any of this until the week after the loss...I think I still needed time to process it all and make sure I wasn't going crazy! Now, people may think I am insane or just too wrapped up still in the loss..but let me tell you. I know within my heart..that God heard our cries in the middle of our pain and answered that prayer. Yes, I think God can do this..and I know He did..without a shadow of a doubt, I believe that God not only let us know our baby was a girl...but He loved us enough to go one step further..and He named her.

Back to Friday of that week, Chris and I went to Half Moon Bay and dedicated and released "Baby Avila" to Christ and had our day together. It was a great day..we needed that. Then, the next day, before I knew it--I woke up..and realized..no dream. I hadn't had another, and I haven't had another since then. But when I stop, and think..about the dreams, about the timing..about it all. I smile. My heart smiles. It gives me such peace. I long for another dream like the ones I had that week, but I think God gave me all that I needed. He settled my heart about knowing my child since we never got to meet her and he answered Chris' prayers too..and this meant the world to him. To both of us.

I decided to make a short scrapbook for her of what we had so far through the pregnancy...pictures of the positive home pregnancy tests, of the little bump I had so far and of the two ultrasound pictures we had. Pictures of each of us and of the day we dedicated her at the beach, and journal entries I had so far about the pregnancy. It's not a lot as far as quantity..but when I think about how much it all meant to us..I can't just throw it all away or shove it in a box. We have a baby...and though she is not in our arms, she is forever in our hearts..and we are already mom & dad, just to an angel baby.

Since telling Chris, we have both found peace and joy in this :) I thought it would be nice to give her a full name..and so, upon Chris' approval, her middle name is Justine. It's my mom's middle name and then it was given to me as my middle name..and so, Isabel Justine...

"Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you.  Before you saw the light of day, I had Holy plans for you..."-Jeremiah 1:5 (The Message)

Isabel Justine Avila

I like it. Thank you God, for allowing me to have a husband who would even think to pray for this..and thank you for loving us enough..to do this for us..we love you Lord. We are grateful. God is just so good to us. :) We love you Isa...xoxo

Psalm 91

¹ Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.^[a]
2 I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
³ Surely he will save you
from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
⁴ He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
⁵ You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
⁶ nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
⁷ A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
⁸ You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
⁹ If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,”
and you make the Most High your dwelling,
¹⁰ no harm will overtake you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
¹¹ For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
¹² they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
¹³ You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
¹⁴ “Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
¹⁵ He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
¹⁶ With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”

I have to be honest..in working through this I did still find some day to still be so hard..and while I had set my baby in the hands of Jesus..and we dedicated her to Christ..I still felt the emptiness.

It amazes me how immediate, deep and overflowing..the love I have for my child. I didn't even meet her face to face and yet how much I miss her..I can't even explain. But I know she is in heaven, resting with The King of Kings..the one who comforts mommy & daddy..and in heaven..she is also there with her Grandma (Chris' mom) & Grandpa (my dad's dad) :)

Currently, the doctor thinks I have finally finished miscarrying...my body should start to go back to normal and soon it will all seem better. Right now though, I know my hormones are the biggest battle. I was told, I could feel deep sadness and even slight depression, simply due to the hormonal imbalance and shift that comes when the body tries to stabalize the hormones after the loss...

Even after the loss, my body still thought I was pregnant..I actually had to have a procedure to dialate me and pills to induce contractions..the physical aspect was just..painful and now with all of that done for good I hope..I am left to recover not only physically, but emotionally and even mentally.

I am not here to...dwell on the pain, though..because God's word says I AM made whole. And no matter what the doctors say..I dont want to live my days expecting more pain and sadness or even depression, I dont claim any of this for me. I will not have it. Because I know God has called my body to wholeness and he has begun a work He intends to finish. I know that my beautiful baby is in heaven and in the presence of our Saviour...How amazing is it..that she felt no pain and even looked as if she was sleeping in her last ultrasound. And even though she was with us for 11 short weeks..she is now in eternity in the presence of angels and our Heavenly Father..what a comfort to know that not only did the pregnancy boost our faith and the faith of others, but while she is there in heaven..her little life is still touching others.

I have had women message me that they too have had losses..and one, even after almost four years and having a son who is now 3 1/2..she had not dealt with the loss, and since reading the blog, and how we have taken steps to try to honor God through all this and honor the short life of our first baby..she has been able to find comfort and peace finally.. Praise God...Praise you Lord....

You see, in the toughest times..we try to reason "why"...and I can say, that even if I had some solid or spiritual reasoning as to why we have had to endure this...it will not change what has happened, nor will it change the fact that we still LOVE our God..or the fact that we still want children..

So when I am told, to expect pain both in the physical and emotional..to expect feelings of depression...I nod and take a deep breath. I realize what this world has to say regarding what to expect with the loss..thats fine. But I serve a God who said He would be with me..near to me and comfort me.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit"-Psalm 34:18

A God who's Word says He was wounded and broken so that I may be made whole. A God who's scars will heal mine..and who said He is here to heal us..because He is the only potter to fix what has been broken..

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds"-Psalm 147:3

He is with us even in our deepest need..we are NEVER alone..

"Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." Psalm 23:4

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."-Isaiah 43:2

And be sure of this; I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Matthew 28:20

And not only will he be with us..in our pain and time of great need..He will deliver and protect us..


"Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but God delivers Him out of them all."-Psalm 34:19

"Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you and you will honor me."-Psalm 50:22


So even though the World says to continue to expect pain, God said He would heal me. And I can trust His Word..

"For no Word from God will ever fail."-Luke 1:37

And after all this.. God continues to show us His unfailing love..a love we cannot earn but one He freely gives. Not only does he lay with us and weep when we weep..and hurt when we hurt..He delivers and protects us..He comforts us..and is allows us to put all of us in Him

"And so Lord, where do I put hope? My only hope is in you."-Psalm 39:7

He refines us..He purifies us..

"These trials are only to test your faith.. It's (faith) being tested as fire tests and purifies gold...." 1 Peter 1:7

And then...we come out, stronger that ever..


God gives power to the faint and strengthens the powerless. But those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles. They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."-Isaiah 40:29-31

That is the God we serve. He loves us deeply..He never leaves us..I am beyond grateful, that this is the kind of God we have..

God in Heaven...we recognize today that you are still on the throne. You are above all else, you see things in ways we cannot and we bring Glory to you Father. In our deepest need, God-rescue us from the waters we see no way out of. Change our hearts and minds God to the things of YOU. We love you Lord..We worship you..You alone are God. We trust you..we declare healing over us, physically, mentally and emotionally...we know you are here God so help us to draw near to you..we yearn to feel you Jesus. Wrap us in your mighty arms of love and hold us as we weep. Then, God...renew our joy once again..bring your Holy Spirit to move upon us..so that we may move on behalf of you. Continue to show us your Will while we wait on you.

Jesus I thank you right now..for the babies you have for us..ready for us to love and kiss and hold. I thank you for the children to come, that they are healthy and strong. Thank you that you see them now and they are blessed and healthy..that the conception will be perfect and whole..your works are wonderful God and there are many more to come--your hand does not fail or miss..you have formed their every part and your works are perfect..your righteousness and perfection prevail beyond the pain. You make no mistake God, we trust you and know that in our weakness, you are made strong and so we reside in you. We thank you for all the blessings we have God, including eachother..and most of all God..we thank you..that we still have you...and you are so Good..

^"Every time you cross my mind, I break out in exclamations of thanks to God. Each exclamation is a trigger to prayer. I find myself praying for you with a glad heart. I am so pleased that you have continued on in this with us, believing and proclaiming God's Message, from the day you heard it right up to the present. There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears."-Philippians 1:3-6 (the message)

again the same verse in a different translation..

"I thank my God every time I remember you."-Phil 1:3 (NIV)

I love my husband...

Reasons I love this man:

He loves God with all his heart, and me second. And he loved me enough to ask if we'd share life together forever. And on 2.23.08 he said "I do". He has a heart for others.

He has a heart for me. He has a heart that's after God's.

He loves kids. He loves sports (the same teams!). Always compliments my cooking.

He prays with and for me every night before bed, and if I have already fallen asleep, he prays for me while I sleep. He doesn't let me be weak or feel sorry for myself. He works hard for us. He has great faith. He was there to kneel with me before God when we were faced with infertility.

He prayed over my belly before we were pregnant. He prayed over our baby while we were pregnant.

He had the faith I couldn't sometimes.

He read all his daddy-to-be books right away..and researched doulas and midwives :)

He bought me popsicles and cucumbers when the nausea wouldn't let me eat much else.

He danced along to the "flash mob" commercial to cheer me up. And tried to bust through the door when I was throwing up, just to "be there" for me!

He came to every dr's appt. He filmed our baby's hearbeat..he praised God in the good, and in the bad.

He kept our faith even after the dr's told us our baby was gone..He let himself cry & grieve..and still stayed strong for me. He praised my strength, and asked how I did it? He is so unaware, of the pillar he is for me.

He stood by me and opened up, rather than shut down and turn around. He prayed over and dedicated our baby beside me, to Jesus. He stayed. He stayed.

He stayed by me.

He smiles and melts every part of me. He prays and I feel God so strong. He serves me. He loves me. He leads me.

He leads me.

I love him. I respect him.

Right now.

I honor Him.

He is the best thing that has ever happened to me (besides Jesus of course)...I cannot imagine my life without Chris. I just can't...I would have no idea how to be without him. Through out all that has gone on these last few weeks..and how up and down this has all been..He is..amazing. Stronger than he thinks, thats for sure. It's amazing, how he underestimates his ability in times like these...I know he isnt aware of the man he is sometimes, but I do.

I love his humility. I think..yea, that was one of the things that first attracted me to him. In a crowd of people or just a few, he just has this presence. He is funny, smart, clever, engaging, and did I mention funny? The guy is hilarious. Ask anyone. And yet..with such a personality and gifts, he remains so humble about himself. Seriously? Do you know who you are? And yea, he does.

He is so clear in his convictions and truths. He is so grounded in God and committed in and to his faith..he encourages me every day. Without even saying a word..he can do that to me.

I guess I just wanted to take a second to just recognize him.You see, with the loss of our first baby..the procedure and the bumps along the way since then, a lot of the focus has been on me. And while I appreciate the love, support, encouragement and prayers...and I know concern is always foremost placed on the woman, as it is she who is physically affected by this. My only concern is him. All I could think about was him. I prayed for him every night and throughout the day, when I cried, some tears were reserved for him..God please heal my husband too. He himself put so much into making sure I was okay, comfortable and taken care of, before having any concern for himself, he thought of me. That's just the kind of guy he is. 6'1 and a huge heart to match. He is so great.

I thank those who took the time to message, txt or call Chris..just for Chris. Because in one way or another, it is also very much about him. My love..my sweet, loving husband. I never, ever, ever want to see him hurt. If I could spare him from any pain I would. If I had the power to remove any pain from his life I would. I would do anything for this man, and I know he'd do the same for me.

You see, before I even thought about marriage or anything like that, I did pray. I prayed that God would hand pick the man He would have for me. Please God let him be cute :) Latino, love kids and all my favorite sports teams (I could not marry a Dodger fan, no offense, its just the "Giants" in me) ;) Let him dance well, cook semi-good and have a smile that shoots straight through me. And above all, let him love you. Let him love you, so that he knows how to love me...

Not only did I get the man of my "dreams", I got the man I prayed for. God went above and beyond anything I could have even thought to pray for. Not only did he give me what I wanted..in ways I didn't even know, he gave me exactly the man I needed. In every way I need him. I can trust him. I can fall back on him. I can be lead by him. And he is, the most wonderful husband. I am too blessed..I dont know what I ever did to deserve Chris. And when I think of him-I smile. And I thank God.

I love you Chris. With everything that I am. And I thank you for being who you are. I dont even think that even you know all that you have done for me or all the goodness you possess, but today. In this small way, I recognize you. I honor you babe..I thank you from the bottom of my heart..for who you are. You are my life partner, my lead, my best friend, my heart. I love you. I love you.

I love you...