I think it's pretty common news Chris and I are moving to Texas…Wednesday. We leave on a 6:30 am flight and will be Texan's by 11:00 am CA time. People keep asking me…is it surreal? Scary? Weird? Exciting? Are you nervous? Are you sad? Yes. Yes. and yes to all of the above. We knew since last fall this was a plan in the works and by spring time of this year we knew God confirmed all of our prayers for answers, guidance, peace and location. Some of you may not know the true heartbeat behind this move and many are wondering (Texas?? Really..?).
I guess I will just start with-kids [your kids] change everything. Mayah has changed me in more ways than I can ever explain and she is my world. And with our second baby on the way, we know that with these blessings we call Mayah and Aria, come new dreams and hopes. Not so much for us, but for them. And while I would love to be able to afford my children every dream we have for them and those that will grow within their own hearts here, reality hits and we know some goals just aren't suited to thrive in the California market. I want to stay home with my babies while they are little and soaking up this new world. We plan to plug into a dynamic and spirit led church and grow within the body. I long to connect with women over the things of God and minister to them. My husband has dreams of writing a book, speaking across the nation and world for that matter and we have goals within our ministry and personal life we've yet to share. In trying to make a long story short, much of what we feel God has placed in our hearts and the values we have and plans we have-Texas seemed to be a very attainable and worth while avenue. So we have prayed and prayed and prayed. And asked for prayer, prayed some more and felt God speak. And with how amazingly only God could work, every tiny detail of this process has just been seemless-we would have been foolish to say "no" because it was the harder road emotionally.
I know our friends and family would never ask us to give "this" up and we know with certainty that God has called us to Texas. And so, we walk in faith. Our house has sold and like only the favor of God can prove it's been a huge blessing. We don't have a house yet in Texas. Chris doesn't have a job and we've sold our cars and many of our furnishings. I grow more sad to leave my loved ones as time ticks closer to our departure, but I know we go with love and support. We have friends willing to host us while we look for our dream home which God has made a way for us to afford. Chris has interviews lined up the day after we arrive and we get to purchase new cars for our growing family as soon as we arrive. And while the sadness I feel for how much I am going to miss our friends and family is very real, so much so that it makes me feel like I am making the biggest mistake of my life; I have no fear. God is with us. We are allowing him to lead us and as long as we have each other we will be alright.
Leaving those I have spent my entire life with and the only place I have ever lived and known to call "home" does feel surreal. To leave it all and not be able to see these precious people daily or weekly and sit and talk face to face--it feels unnatural. When I think about how much I am going to miss everyone it makes me not want to go. I try to not get emotional in the presence of others because once I start I just cannot stop. This is just the hard part of this process and I know we have to get through this. Lately, I cry a lot on my own and let it out when I can. Truth be told much of my mind is occupied by everything we need to do to move, get there and what will go into finding our home and preparing for this new baby. I get preoccupied. But when they leave my home, when we hug goodbye and the door closes. The solitude is evident and I realize what is happening. I am saying so long to a very big part of my life but find confidence in what we are trying to create for our girls. The opportunities we strive to pave the way for and the God centered life above all else-we owe it to them and ourselves. I am very excited for this next chapter in our life. I can't wait to get started and I feel blessed to have this opportunity.
I don't like "goodbye's". The finality of them make me uneasy and honestly it isn't realistic. I plan to continue to share life with you guys. My heart is heavy because of how much I will miss everyone, but I feel beyond privileged to have known and loved friends and family that make it so hard to say goodbye…
So I won't say it...I won't say goodbye. This is just "be seeing you" and I love you, I love you, I love you.
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