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Of all the beautiful things I have ever beheld, all pale in comparison the little wonder that is my girl. My 30 inch, 20 pound, one year old blessing. She is strong willed, hilarious, adventurous, sweet and loving. She fears nothing and loves unconditionally. And of all the wonderful things I could say about her and all the ways I can build her up and encourage the amazing little thing she is becoming, I know some day my baby girl will encounter the hurtful side of words and my heart breaks.
Words were meant for edification, encouragement, support and love. We were made to speak life and positivity; truth and destiny. My heart is that she would never ever be torn down by anyone, especially another girl. Sadly, the truth is that many use their words to hurt others and I can't say I blame them for that behavior, at least not the full blame. The media encourages bad girl-on-girl behavior and hate. Gossip, slander, name calling, lies, deceit, disregard and lack of self control are taught by the television and movies our daughters watch. Poor body image, low self-esteem and self pity are side effects of reading magazines geared toward girls (or women for that matter). Music demeans women and values we should cling to. Bullying in schools seems to be more and more prevalent and has been carried into parts of the cyber world parents can't keep up with.
Every female alive no matter their ethnicity, social status or age has experienced some sort of pain that comes from the syllables that escape another's mouth.
Ugly.
Stupid.
Unwanted.
Useless.
Fat.
Weird.
Loner.
Loser.
Worthless.
Fake
Nobody.
And more labels I cannot bear to type out, for I know the little eyes that might come across this post.
You know what? Words hurt. They cut deep and last a lifetime for some. They are spoken by strangers, so called friends, family members and even mothers. Groomed to think social gossip and the occasional dis is just a part of "being a girl", too many young ladies are taught that it is acceptable and normal. My own experience at the receiving end of harsh talk still stings sixteen years later.
Growing up I was skinny, small, lanky and shy. I had a big nose, crooked teeth, scrawny legs and chipped nail polish. I didn't know there was anything wrong with how I looked until I got to middle school and some of the popular girls made it their daily task to remind me just how ugly, unpopular and alone I was. I would spend breaks and lunches in a bathroom stall, eating my lunch next to someone doing their business. On field trips I was never picked to be anyone's "buddy" and in high school approaching school dances hurt because I knew no boy would ever ask or even look my way. My daily joy, confidence and purpose hung within the balances of the hurtful words spoken. Young lady, I know what it is like to feel as alone and invisible as possible. To be reduced to about 2 inches tall and sent hiding behind doors and under under my covers in tears because I felt so down on myself. I let them win.
To think that one day my precious, innocent daughter could possibly feel exactly how I and so many girls this very second feel...heartbreaking doesn't even begin to describe it. I cannot, I will not allow it. To the best of my ability I have to try and change this way of life so many have engrained in their minds. We need to teach our girls to go against what society has skillfully programmed and what many of us tend to teach without even trying. I forgo the nose job I so desperately wanted as a teenager, because I am so much more secure in myself now. And if my daughter should grow up to have the same nose as her mama and her mama, I don't want the nose job I got to tell her there is something wrong with her and we should fix it. I don't want the obsession with body image to trump the focus on who she is on the inside and how she treats others (and herself). I never want her to hate who she is or what she see's in the mirror. I never want her to make another girl feel badly about herself either.
My child is worth it. She is worth so much more...they are all worth so much more. We are all examples to the generation behind us whether we want to be or not; good or bad, right or wrong. My hope is that we learn to model what it is to support our sisters in life. That we show females how to speak good things over one another rather than tear each other down out of jealousy, hate, ignorance and hurt. We have a responsibility and we need to start now.
So if no one has ever told you...
You are beautiful. Really.
You are worth far more than the most valuable diamond anyone could find.
You do have so much to contribute to this world and there is a purpose and destiny there for you, you'd be amazed.
There is nothing wrong with your waist, chest or shoe size.
Rock those glasses.
Embrace those braces.
Your curls are fierce and that smile, infectious.
Freckles are beyond cute and your nose, hair, teeth, stomach and thighs are exactly how they should be.
There was no mistake made when the wonder that is you was created and you are a one of a kind beauty.
You are loved, valued, cherished and important.
You are worth it.
xo,
Kris
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